She Has My Eyes

When someone says, "Oh she has your eyes," you usually assume you share the same eye color. However, when  Rose's eye doctor made this statement, my heart sank.
Rose has my eyes, in color and in condition. She is farsighted and when she tries to focus it causes her eyes to cross. If a child's eye is allowed to cross on a regular basis without correction than that eye is in danger of becoming a "lazy eye." (Amblyopia:  is the loss of one eye's ability to see details. It is the most common cause of vision problems in children. Can lead to vision loss in that eye). To prevent an eye from becoming "lazy" early intervention is key!
I got my first pair of glasses before I was a year old. My brother got his first pair by 18 months. And my grandmother should have had her glasses that early, but since she was the sixth child in a family of eight during the Great Depression...no one thought to take her to the doctor. Her sister took her to the doctor around age 7, by that time she had already lost vision in that eye.

70 years later we would hope that people would have a better understanding of the importance of early eye exams in babies and children. Sadly, this is not the case. When my first daughter was born I told our pediatrician about the history of Amblyopia in our family and asked when she should get her first check up. He told me that you can't do an eye exam in children until they are at least three or older. I knew this wasn't true because I had my first pair of glasses at 11 months and my first eye surgery at age three. So I asked my optometrist.

"The American Optometric Association recommends the first eye exam at six months of age, then at three years of age and every year while in school. " 

Both of my girls had eye exams before they were a year old. As it turns out CJ did not need glasses, but Rose did. Early eye exams can mean the difference between your child having the use of both of their eyes or not. Often by the time parents realize their kids need glasses it's already too late to redeem sight in that eye.

Rose showed no signs of needing glasses, and neither did I. Both of us seemed busy, and normal, if not a little ahead. (However, I did have more prominent strabismus that alerted my parents to take me in.)

After I got my glasses I went from a well-behaved kid who never got into anything to an amazing explorer who got into everything. I couldn't see all that was around me before glasses. Rose went from being a baby that had no interest in books to being a little reader.

I am glad to report that Rose has no sign of a "lazy eye." Both her eyes are working equally because she wears her glasses to prevent her eye from crossing. I am so glad we brought her in when we did.

Get your little one's eyes checked from a skilled Pediatric Ophthalmologist. What could it hurt?
Check out these links to find out more of what to expect:
An ounce of prevention is worth 17 pounds of cuteness
Uncovering Vision Problems Early

Little Jenni in her glasses!

Little Rose in her glasses. 

Funny Thing

Right now we are in the midst of planning a Wise Woman Workshop on Organizing so we had a planning meeting at my house. Seemed like a good idea... but wait! The cleaning and organizing experts are coming to my house... the newly self actualized Messie!
Fortunately for me these are my friends... and they have been to my house before.... and they still love me!

However, this wasn't that big of a deal because I had been working hard all week putting into practice my new method. The Mount Vernon Method. Apparently this is how they clean at George Washington's house in Mount Vernon-- you start in one place and work your way around the interior of the house cleaning and organizing. The place you stop at on one day is the place you start up on the next. AND, before I knew I was a Messie, I had already started sorting and cleaning and have actually made some progress. That is progress on most of the house....except our room. But who is going to see that! So I thought....
So I was feeling pretty good about my house when the ladies came over for the meeting.
Even better, just as the meeting was about to start my sister, Cara, called and wanted to Skype with the girls. This was great because she read them stories and kept them entertained during my meeting.... all the way from California!
All seemed well and good, until I realized that I couldn't find one of the books on organizing... in my room. My sister couldn't help but laugh as she watched me (from the computer screen) frantically root through my disastrous room looking for a book on organization.
Then one of the ladies in the meeting said, "If only we had a box of random things to sort through for our demonstration."
I just smiled and said, "I think I can help you with that."
I went to my room and brought out two boxes of random items that had been placed there when I tried to clean my room over six months ago.
The organizing ladies were delighted.... it was just what they were looking for! The scary thing is I had absolutely no idea what was in there. I did peek to make sure there was nothing too embarrassing. (I mean more embarrassing then having your junk box sorted in front of a crowd.) However, I would rather donate the boxes to science then  have to face them myself!
A little while later they said, "It would be so nice if we had a pile of papers to sort for our demonstration."
To which I responded, "No worries, I have a nice pile of papers you can sort through too."

Keeping Perspective

With all this talk of Messes and Cleaning I wanted to throw out the flip side. 

I have never had an experienced mother tell me that she wished she spent more time cleaning her house. They always say they wish they hadn't worried about it so much. Time flies and babies grow up so fast. AND kids learn through making messes. Kids also learn from helping pick up that mess. 

It is about balance. Part of that journey for me is learning how to bring that balance about. I want my kids to have room to play safely. I want to have a home my husband wants to come home to. I also want a house that is comfortable to live in.

Comfort is one thing I always think of when I think of our house growing up. It wasn't always the cleanest, and we did have clutter here and there, but we were comfortable. It was a nice place to be, and our friends liked to be there. My mom and my dad taught us how to work as a family to keep the house clean. 

I will always be thankful for the wonderful home I had the privilege to grow up in! Thanks mom and dad!

Here is a wonderful poem, a Wise Woman named Bonnie sent me this week. I thought I would pass it along to you too!

SONG FOR A FIFTH CHILD

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, 1958

The Cleaning and Scrubbing Will Wait...

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth

empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

hang out the washing and butter the bread,

sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew

and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

but I'm, playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep. 

Diaper Ditch and Dash

CJ showing her "Potty Power" and Pull-ups!

If children came with directions I think it would make things a whole lot easier. For instance, my oldest daughter CJ's directions would read something like: Hi Mom, I will get constipated really easily so I will spend the first few months of life crying until you figure this out. And by the way, at around 15 months I will be ready to potty train. If I wake up screaming like someone is hurting me or I am desperately ill...it is just a night terror. The best thing you can do is leave me alone. Keeping me challenged will be  your biggest challenge. And a word of warning... I never forget anything, so be careful what you say.  Love you forever! CJ


Instead like detectives we just have to try and figure it out. Trial and error, try this and that, until we land on a solution. This solution may work for a phase, or indefinitely...you don't know definitely until it doesn't work anymore. One thing is for certain... just because it worked on child #1 doesn't mean it will help you at all with child #2 and so on. Every kid is a whole new ball game.

The girls hanging out during CJ's potty-training days.

My oldest daughter was completely potty trained by two. So naturally this was my goal with Rose. Who doesn't want to see the end to diapers? Between my health problems, and surgery etc. and her obvious lack of interest... we postponed. Then she turned two and she started whipping off her diaper every time she dirtied it. Not that long ago she threw her diaper at me as she ran by shouting "Diaper Change" on her way to play. Potty Training?  How about now?

So I began the exhausting cycle of putting her on and off the potty with her cloth training pants. On one hand she seems very aware of when she goes, but not until after the fact.
One day she was showing signs that she needed to poop (she was walking around like a cowboy) I kept putting her back on the potty, hoping for a success story. In the end, immediately after some unfruitful potty time, she ran into the kitchen and said, "Watch out mommy; here it comes!" And she was right. Well, at least it was one less diaper to wash, and that's why we have a steam mop!

She is getting more aware, but still just doesn't seem ready. But playing find-the-diaper wasn't on my list of fun games. It was a regular Easter egg hunt... and what I kept finding around the house were not delightful drops of chocolate! In response to this phase we did switch to Pull-ups (the diaper's more-expensive cousin) and still encourage potty time.

Rose in training November 2010

Then I read in the January  2011 edition of Parents magazine a statistic that would have been useful last year! Most children are not ready to potty train before 27 months. (My first child had misled me as to what was a normal time to train.) Apparently, for most children, if you try to train before 2 1/2 you just have more puddles to clean up. Another key tip they mentioned was that while your child may have all the signs of potty readiness BUT they may not be ready to train (in other words... ready to cooperate.)
I had already put potty training Rose on my list of summer projects. Now this new information further confirms it. Time to focus on the issue at hand... trying to keep her from playing with the light sockets.

If I had a guess at what Rose's directions would say it would be something like:  Dear Mommy, I will nurse exclusively until I am 1. Don't even try to give me baby food; that stuff is bland. After a year I will eat only what you eat, and make sure it has lots of garlic. By the way, I will nurse until I am two, and don't even think about trying to get me potty-trained before I am three. Best of luck, Mommy, and please buy me a helmet and parachute because I like to climb and jump off of things! Always your baby, Rose.

You have to be one to know one

Yesterday, I mentioned the revolutionary podcast where I realized that I am a Messie.

On the podcast Sandra Felton gave the identifying characteristics of a Messie.  As I listened I definitely identified with her list and realized that I deserve that title.

You are a Messie if:
1. You hate unexpected guests- right before Christmas, Great Nana was coming over to bring the girls presents. I turned into Tornado Sue and in a frenzied whirlwind I cleaned... OK stashed. (I had been sick and the house was really bad!)

Long painful list of Library fines. 

2. You can't find important things-- just that week we lost our first Library Video. (We have lots of late fees but this was our first lost item.)


3. You feel bad about how your house looks.

4. You feel bad about how your house works.

5. Inertia sets in when your house gets out of control

6. You are not visually in tune. You don't notice that the house is a mess until someone rings the door bell. You can walk through the house without paying attention to the mess.

7. You are not lazy, you work hard but your work does not bear fruit. (No one can tell you've been cleaning all day- You find yourself rearranging piles of stuff)

My stack of magazines I was saving to read.

8.You have a hard time throwing out magazines and newspapers because they are full of ideas and you are an idea-oriented person. I don't just browse through magazines... I READ them, and then tear out the good parts and make my own little book. BUT, this has become my cookbook. However, I got rid of the majority of this pile of magazines. (This was surprisingly difficult)  I am also planning to donate all the cookbooks I never use.

We used to have three jars of pens on the counter.

9. You are a perfectionist- this is the chief problem that hinders a Messie

10. You save stuff just in case you need it. But this does not do you any good if you can't find it when you need it. Or if you know where it is but can't access it easily. But there is something so satisfying when you do have a need and have just the thing you need!

11. You have lots of clutter--- There is a lot to be done in a Messie's house.

Our ONE mug of pens!

12. You are sentimental and like to save things.... like baby clothes etc. This week I donated a bunch of clothes the girls had out grown. (I did save a few special items.)


13. Writing a letter is very difficult because you have to find a working pen, stationary, stamp and address to get it done! (Hmmm... I think I have a few unsent thank you notes hiding around here from when Rose was born. She's two by the way.)


14. You keep lots of pens even if they don't work. I downsized our pen collection immediately. 

15. You have high ideals and are interested in important things - like your family. Is wanting to be Marry Poppins too idealistic? 

Show Stopper

While doing my morning walk on the treadmill (an absolute must if recovering from back surgery) I like to listen to podcasts. Well, there was one that I heard this week that almost stopped me in my tracks!
The podcast was from Focus on the Family, July 31, 2009, Coping as a Messie.
At WayPoint we are putting together another Wise Woman Workshop (seminars we put on quarterly where women from our church share their wisdom and expertise about a variety of issues). This month's workshop is on Household Organization.

I was blissfully walking along until I realized that this podcast was made for me! It is no secret or surprise that my house is a mess most of time. Since having children, my husband and I have tried very hard to get it under control. Various factors were working against us.... I am sick a lot, we had two children in close succession, breastfeeding, back surgery, no storage space or garage, small house... and the list goes on.
About four months after back surgery I felt like Sleeping Beauty must have felt waking up after a 100 years and looking at the mess the castle had become. I had so many helpers, but everyone put things in different places. The girls had outgrown clothes, summer clothes needed put away. A lot of stuff had come in, and nothing had gone out. Meanwhile, I was just recovering from surgery... not a lot could be done, at least not very quickly.
So, I  had already begun the slow process of sorting after surgery. However,  a revolutionary thing had come out of my surgery... a shed in which to walk on the treadmill...and storage! (Thank you to the many men who helped build the shed to make this possible for me) Having storage has greatly improved our living situation.
I digress... I was walking along on the treadmill in my miracle shed and I realized that beyond the circumstances that contributed to my house being a disaster most of the time... I was in fact a Messie person! According to Sandra Felton, people who have Messie houses usually have certain temperaments and tendencies that contribute to the sorry state of their houses.
Sandra Felton founder of Messie's Antonymous was discussing with Dr. Dobson about the characteristics of a Messie. I could not help but recognize myself in the description. My Messie tendencies in combination with our circumstances and my poor health were a bad combination. Out of this podcast I feel like God is beginning to teach me how to deal, and help my family deal with the ups and downs of my health. I work hard to get the house somewhat under control, then I am down-and-out for a week or two and the house gets completely out of control. Then I get better and have to work hard to get the house back to almost under control. In reality I can't get past the clutter to do any actual cleaning. This has caused me so much frustration, but I haven't known any other way to get past it! And round and round I go!
The ephiphany was that if I get the house under control, it will take less work and energy for me to maintain. I would love to get past just dealing with clutter day in and day out, and actually get to cleaning the house. In the podcast Sandra Felton was very positive and practical. She gave me a few simple solutions to get me started that I already put into practice that have made a big difference.
A second thought that occurred to me is that it will be easier to ask someone or pay someone to come and help out when I am sick or going through down times. People can come in and clean, but they can't really sort through your clutter. Then when I am better I won't have so much catching up to do. I am praying that we can end that cycle, and Rory and I can feel like we are moving forward rather then always trying to break through the clutter.

So... I ordered a few of her books with some Christmas money. I am excited to begin this journey from a Messie to a Cleanie. Change is hard, but so is living in a mess all the time!

Inside Look

Here I am with a smile on my face, standing in front of x-rays of my back. This is something I never thought would happen. Here are a series of x-rays that show my back's story from the inside out. The first x-ray was taken by my wonderful chiropractor Dr. Christian Cohen at Backbone Restored. Dr. Cohen was the one who discovered why I was having such constant low back pain that nothing seemed to help.
I have Spondylolysthesis which is basically a slip caused by a crack in my vertebrae. We think this happened when I hurt my back on a trampoline at age 15.  (No x-ray was taken at that time.)  And then it was exacerbated by pregnancy.
Dr. Cohen put me on a great program and really did help me a lot. (If you are looking for an awesome Chiropractor--- he is definitely not your average Chiropractor....check out his website to find out why.)

Over a two-year period or longer (starting while I was pregnant with Rose) I bounced between ongoing Chiropractic Care, Physical Therapy, water aerobics, consistent walking plans, resting plans....etc, etc. I went to see a Physiatrist--someone who specializes in internal medicine for pain management--and he said, "Do more physical therapy."  I was in so much pain and could not function well. I couldn't sit still for very long at all,. Sitting through sermons was unbearable...and that is a bad thing to say coming from a preacher's wife! (Obviously the sermons were great it was my back that was the problem!)

Eventually,  my wonderful Physcial Therapist, Jill, (who saw me through all this), looked at one another and agreed.... I was getting nowhere. She suggested I see a surgeon. We thought that he would suggest cortisone injections, and that it would give me the boost I needed to continue physical therapy. We were all shocked when Dr. Cove' after a really long, quiet, pause while looking over my x-rays and MRI turned and said, "Well, I think you need surgery."

So, after much prayer, a second opinion and a lot of advice we decided to do it.
So here are some pictures before, showing the slip.
Here is an x-ray showing a month after surgery (I think)
Then the last two are 6 months after surgery.  They show some bone growth, which means that the fusion is taking . The fusion won't be complete until one year after my surgery.

Seasons of Recovery